Modern Parenthood Ponderer Pillows

"I have to take him to his class for things kids used to learn on their own."

Three Parent Baby

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

'Mom says she has a souffl

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

"I'm turning into my mother, and it's awesome!"

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

'Well, great! I raise you to be a vicious bird of prey, and you wanna be a songbird!'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

'My kids don't understand me.'

Children.

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

"I was hoping you'd have outgrown that by now."

"I had a lot more freedom before mom got the drone."