Parenthood Ponderers Pillows

'Ah ah! That's what I thought! The DNA tests prove that he is in fact a Cuckoo chick...'

Modern Empty Nesters

'I wish my dad wasn't trying to quit. Sneaking his nicotine patches just isn't the same.'

'Oh, he's fine, it's just we're not really baby people.'

"Having grown up and gone to school in uneventful times your mother and I both know what you're going through".

"It's a cease and desist letter forbidding us from saying 'That's lit!'"

Regifted Program. Me, too! I was given brains but I never used them, so I passed them on to my kid!

Progress.

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."

"My mom's going through the 'change'. Her hair is changing from black to gray."

Nurse looking for the father of a black baby.

"They laugh when the bady kicks but if I kicked her..."

Insomnia.

How do bright women get pregnant?

Ask me about Naming Rights.

"My parents taught me stuff until I was six, and then they outsourced me to Central Elementary."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

Mr. & Mrs. Stickfigure are expecting twins.

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

"I hear you may do a baby."

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

'Mom says she has a souffl

Uterus: One size fits all.

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."