Pregnancy Ponderers Pillows

'Still five months to go....what a time to discover I suffer from claustrophobia.'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

"I hear you may do a baby."

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

Uterus: One size fits all.

'Mom says she has a souffl

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

'It's not that I don't want more kids Victoria, I'm worried I won't have enough skin for their names.'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

"I'm your surrogate mother, son. I just provided the oven."

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

'Well, great! I raise you to be a vicious bird of prey, and you wanna be a songbird!'

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

Bumper Limos

Baby Footballer

'It's a girl and she's an artist in her gestational period.'

George Santayana

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

Happy Mothers Day

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

'If Aunt Arctica is on the bottom of the world, does that mean Uncle Artica is on top of the world?'