Surrogacy Ponderer Pillows

"I'm your surrogate mother, son. I just provided the oven."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

Waiting for Pants

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"I hear you may do a baby."

Uterus: One size fits all.

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

"She signed a prenup promising not to eat me and then ate the lawyer."

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

"Oh no, Doris. . . not implants!"

Happy Mothers Day

"We're taking separate vacations this year."

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

'So, the Father is a native of Easter Island?'

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

"They're expecting their first baby by surrogate mother!"

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

Assisted pregnancy for same sex couples

'What sort of silly planning is this?...I've got fingernails but no teeth to chew them with.'

A baby marks time on the walls of the uterus.

"My wife's going through a difficult pregnancy."

'Oh darling, I want to spend the rest of my life with you! But please do not impute or infer any intentions from that comment.'

'Who are you?' 'Your wife for 57 years back from plastic surgery!'

Woman discovers she is pregnant, and wonders if peeing on her lottery ticket will give her the same good luck.

'Doctor, I just can't seem to relate to my prenup anymore.'

'Beats me why I took this place. No en-suite, no walk-in robe and no dining room!'

'The way he kicked me before birth, I knew I was destined to be a soccer mom.'

"What have you done? I came in to have my wrinkles removed, instead you given me big breasts!"

"You're pregnant? Are you sure it's yours?"

"I told you not to have that boob job."