Prenatal Memory Ponderer Pillows

"What's the earliest memory you have, Armstrong?" "Well... I was very, very young..." "Everything was dark. I was in some sort of liquid and there was a flexible, hose-like thing connecting my belly button to some sort of sack that was enveloping me. I heard a woman's beautiful muffled voice singing 'Row row row your boat, gently down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream.' And I decided then and there I would one day corner the boat market." "Very. Bad. Man."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

"I hear you may do a baby."

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

Uterus: One size fits all.

'Mom says she has a souffl

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

'It's not that I don't want more kids Victoria, I'm worried I won't have enough skin for their names.'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

'Well, great! I raise you to be a vicious bird of prey, and you wanna be a songbird!'

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

Happy Mothers Day

"I'm your surrogate mother, son. I just provided the oven."

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

'Have you found a precedent? Yes, you did the same crime in 1974.'

Children.

"I was hoping you'd have outgrown that by now."

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

"Do I have to declare this as income to the IRS?"

"... and they never write or visit!"