Pregnancy Pondering Pillows

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'OAP Licence'

Cry babies.

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

TAP TAP TAP TAP

'I believe we've located the cause of your back problem, Mrs. Kangaroo.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

Mr. & Mrs. Stickfigure are expecting twins.

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."