Prayerful Ponderers Pillows

Answer to Prayers - NO

"I'm not sure if this is getting through and I don't know what time you finish for the day...."

"Please hold. God knows you are waiting."

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

"This might take awhile, Lord."

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

'Lord, we thank thee for the bounty we're about to receive.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

George Santayana

"And please let Alan Greenspan accept the things he cannot change, give him the courage to change the things he can and the wisdom to know the difference."

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

Various Birds of Pray.

Visit a Place in your Past...

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

Evolution of God. . .

"Are we allowed to pray?"

Regular Confession and Express Booth.

"Look, I'm happy to drop my attachment to ego, but please, don't expect me to give up coffee!"

Mounted Devil

"If you really want to experience eternity...try waitin for global agreement on emissions reductions."

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

Randy, great news: I've become a person of faith. Which faith? The main one. the hip one. you know - the one used in all the red states. Or maybe the one Madonna and Tom Cruise are into. Either way, I'm deeply committed. You should be.

'I've thought the same thing myself. He certainly doesn't look like any of us.'

'No, we wouldn't want to ask God's blessing on something evil, but carrots aren't evil.'

"Great idea. . . but how do we go about converting everybody to Judaism?"

"Each night Lily said her prayers... As the fleas and gnats do bite and gnaw my skin, so shall the worms eat and consume me, in the dirt and dust of the Lord's earth. Amen. And each night her prayers freaked her parents out."

Very cute, Brother Ernest --- But it's called a "vocation," not "monk-y business"!

'It's SUPPOSED to be quiet up here!'

Exercise for the end of the day...

"Dear God, what's the meaning of knife."