Parenting Ponderer Pillows

"Nature, nurture or a bit of both?"

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"

'Looks like Timmy got solitary.'

'My kids don't understand me.'

"I wasn't nervously hovered around enough as a child."

'Sometimes, sitting in the sandbox like this, I realize I've been a disappointment to my parents.'

"The trouble with children is they don't act like adults."

'A not from my parents?... Which set?'

'He was raised by sparrows!'

"Prodigy you ain't."

"Apparently, Philip and his imaginary playmate are more or less the same weight and size."

'I wish we could have had children, Phillip.'

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

'I failed 'insemination'.'

'I'll never understand parents. First they tell you to be independent, then they run right down to the IRS and declare you a dependent.'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'I feel life is passing me by.'

'What a coincidence....that's my mum's name to!'

"My children are so out of control!! I don't know what to do!"

'I wish my dad was an overachiever.'

'You're too heavey to be lifted out of poverty...'

Ingredients: me

"They grow up so fast!"

"Does school choice include whether he gets a tenured teacher?"

'Actually, Dad knows quite a bit about sex for a man his age.'

"Justin is probably thirty by now. Should we pick him up from daycare?"

"Today on ask Sadie, I'll be address oe single question...why do so many people who have no business raising kids, have kids..."

"My mom said I can't come here anymore." "What? Why not, Billy?" "She said she sends me here to get hot chocolate, not to get bad relationship advice." "What 'bad' advice? All my advice is solid gold." "You told me to call the IRS with an anonymous tip about Andrea Wheaton's father avoiding taxes, so next time he tells her I'm a bad influence he'll look like a hypocrite." "That didn't work?"

"Keep that up and you won't have any friends left!"

'My children don't understand me and I don't understand me and I don't understand my children phobia.'

"No, son, Daddy and Mommy never did drugs."

'Dad just told me a weird stork story. He must a creationist.'

'Now that the kids have grown and gone I've decided to rent out their room.'

'He's been copying other students all semester, it looks like your son will be repeating the 4th grade,'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."