Modern Parenthood Ponderers Pillows

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

"We'd love to start a family, but we're going to wait until we have enough bandwidth."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

'Mom says she has a souffl

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

Biological Alarm Clock.

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

"You need to stop pressing the snooze button on your biological clock."

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'It's not that I don't want more kids Victoria, I'm worried I won't have enough skin for their names.'

Three Parent Baby

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

'Well, great! I raise you to be a vicious bird of prey, and you wanna be a songbird!'

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'My kids don't understand me.'

Children.

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

"I was hoping you'd have outgrown that by now."