Modern Parenthood Observers Pillows

'In vitro fertilization and sperm banks. I remember the old days when you couldn't outsource having kids.'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"He just said his first word!"

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

'We've created a teenager!'

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

Three Parent Baby

Mice 25¢

Maternity Hospital

'He's already surfing without nappies!'

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

"I had a lot more freedom before mom got the drone."

'It never fails to stop him crying - handing him the phone.'

Big book of memes

"I was hoping her first sentence would be, 'I love you, mommy.' Not, 'what's the Wi-Fi password?'"

'We'd like to christen him 2GR4T7VXS35. That way it'll be easier for him to get his own web domain name when he's older.'

'Yes, yes, honey, I'm watching you!'

"Better safe than sorry, son."

"We want one that's genetically gifted but not genetically spoiled."

"I got a dog as a replacement child."

'This pacifier looks like a cell phone to make the inevitable transition that much easier.'

"This article says that the number of elderly living with their children is rising..."

"Have you noticed the kids never ask us anything since they learned to google?"

"And we're just so proud you're walking to school alone. Aren't we, Harold?"

"No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting."

'It used to be enough to keep them fed and clothed. Now it's fed, clothed and connected.'

'Mom & her new husband' and 'Pop & his live-in girlfriend'.

"What channel is David's summer camp on?"