Modern Family Observers Pillows

"What channel is David's summer camp on?"

'No, the divorce isn't your fault. Of course, you didn't help things by finding Daddy with Mrs. Ferguson.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"It's his emotional support animal."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'Simple case of gravity, mom.'

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

I think it's time he left home.'

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

"If it slows down, just ask my father about the murder he always swears he did not commit."

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"He was much more effective in the field."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

Look,that is not your Daddy

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

Mice 25¢

"Really, Mr. Stevens, this fantasy of being turned into a giant frog is absurd. We both know there's no such thing as a curse, and you can't seriously believe your mother-in-law is actually a witch. . ."

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

Maternity Hospital

"Just wait until my autobiographical one-woman show."

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

His real name is Jasper Underwood Farthington III...but we just call him 'Stinky'.