Modern Family Observer Pillows

"No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting."

"Go say something nice about your mother's corporation."

'Mom & her new husband' and 'Pop & his live-in girlfriend'.

"This article says that the number of elderly living with their children is rising..."

"We're not planning another child till we can afford a new phone."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

'...and a few email messages from friends and relatives...'

"Mom, have you reached the age when you stop getting operating system updates?"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"It's his emotional support animal."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

'Simple case of gravity, mom.'

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

I think it's time he left home.'

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"If it slows down, just ask my father about the murder he always swears he did not commit."

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

"He was much more effective in the field."

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

Look,that is not your Daddy

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

"Just wait until my autobiographical one-woman show."

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

His real name is Jasper Underwood Farthington III...but we just call him 'Stinky'.

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'