Family Life Observer Pillows

'Since when does the princess have to take orders from the chambermaid?'

'I know a trap when I see one.'

'No, sweetie, 'embracing a new paradigm' doesn't mean daddy's been hugging someone other than your mother.'

'Hi honey, I'm home!'

"Hey, don't forget man's best friend!"

'Not too keen on walkies today, eh?'

"I'm terribly disappointed in you!"

"Of course I've been playing in the dirt - That's all there IS!"

"Darling, have you see gran?"

"It's a cereal box. It's not supposed to be interactive!"

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

"Nine Months?? Can't you just download it?"

"I'm a golf widow AND a snow widow!"

"Think you could teach your kid to throw straight?"

"It's his emotional support animal."

"The kids keep asking us for money. We have to face it - we've raised a bunch of cash cows."

"You must be brave now, Randolph! You. . . You. . . You are adopted!"

"Ummm, thanks, but I'm good."

"Once you leave your safe-space, you can never go back again."

"How was my day? How was my day? Must you micromanage my life?"

'What the hell is a 'Whippersnapper'?'

'This time the home ran away from the boy.'

'What's good for age spots? Soap and water.'

'I forgot the shopping list that you gave me...'

'Hey honey, your brother's here. Apparently there are 13 steps.'

'You're supposed to be facing the corner, Junior.'

'When Mom reads this story, she makes Pinocchio sound Republican.'

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

'Dinner will be washed in five minutes guys...'

'For Peter's Home and Careers class, he has to take care of this computerized doll of a 23-year-old son who won't move out of the house.'

'I asked her, 'Would it kill you to say I love you?''

'Don't you talk to me in that tone of speech balloon!'

'Oh, please and thank you work okay, but I miss the old days as a baby when a blood-curdling shriek could get immediate service.'

Junior's Towel

"I didn't touch him - honest!"