Modern Family Observers T-Shirts

"What channel is David's summer camp on?"

'No, the divorce isn't your fault. Of course, you didn't help things by finding Daddy with Mrs. Ferguson.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"It's his emotional support animal."

What are we doing today? Installing raised beds. Then we'll plant them for a couple who want organic vegetables. Brilliant, Dad. Tree's Tree Nursery. You take the hard work out of gardening. Right. And give it to me! Right again!

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

Origins Of Evolution

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

'Simple case of gravity, mom.'

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

I think it's time he left home.'

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"If it slows down, just ask my father about the murder he always swears he did not commit."

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"He was much more effective in the field."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

Look,that is not your Daddy

Mice 25¢

Maternity Hospital

His real name is Jasper Underwood Farthington III...but we just call him 'Stinky'.

"Just wait until my autobiographical one-woman show."

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

Waiting Room

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."