Modern Parenthood Enthusiast Gifts

"I need something sturdy enough to withstand the scrutiny of other parents."

"I don't know where babies come from, son, ask your google."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

Suffering from Cooties?

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Growth Charts

"He just said his first word!"

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

"I couldn't find the phone charger, but I was able to locate all the mouses the kids lost over the years."

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

Kid is 'Born to Text'.

'Those are my triplets. Com, Net and Org Barnes.'

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Early childhood development

"I brought frankincense." "I brought gold." "I brought diapers!" "A wise woman!"

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

Crying baby

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'