Modern Parenting Aficionado Gifts

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

Suffering from Cooties?

Growth Charts

I love my family!

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Crying baby

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

Early childhood development

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"We sing her to sleep with songs about recycling."

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

Lemming mothers

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"My first Father's day!"

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

"Ouch. . . Aaaargh!!. . . Stop it!. . . "