Modern Parenting Aficionado Pillows

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

I love my family!

Growth Charts

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

"Do you want to talk about it?"

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

Toddler Feeding Solutions

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"We sing her to sleep with songs about recycling."

Early childhood development

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

Crying baby

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

Lemming mothers

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

7 Dwarves of Fatherhood

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"My first Father's day!"

'It's no use! His computer tablet has replaced his blanky!'

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

Honey, I'm home. Did you change Kyle's diaper?

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."