Modern Parenting Guru Pillows

'Kids are so advanced today. Only 12 years old and my Zooey has already maxed out her credit card.'

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Who are we to assign gender?"

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'What's play?'

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

"Is there a vegan option?"

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

"He just said his first word!"

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

Playing Mozart to the baby.

"Migration? I love chasing the endless summer, but travelling such distances with kids is exhausting..."

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

'Those are my triplets. Com, Net and Org Barnes.'

Six-tier Communal Cradle.

Kid is 'Born to Text'.

'You the one who called Amnesty International?'

"We sing her to sleep with songs about recycling."

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

The AdRams Family no.13 - Exams

"You're developing a nice, rich compost down here."

"I brought frankincense." "I brought gold." "I brought diapers!" "A wise woman!"

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

Parent Involvement Tip #1