Modern Parenting Gifts

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

'It used to be enough to keep them fed and clothed. Now it's fed, clothed and connected.'

"I've just been called a 'materno-fascist.' "

"Mom, did you get a baby inside you by clicking on the 'Add To Cart' button?"

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

'This pacifier looks like a cell phone to make the inevitable transition that much easier.'

Robot feeding Baby.

"I was hoping her first sentence would be, 'I love you, mommy.' Not, 'what's the Wi-Fi password?'"

"The baby just sent a text saying, WaaaaWaaaWaaaaaaWaaaa! That's her hungry cry."

'It's just a silly old saying...you don't need bug repellent.'

'Not having cable is not child abuse.'

'They start texting so young these days,'

'I have modern parents!' (Building blocks have computer icons on)

'It works better than the pacifier.'

Free WiFi On-Board

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"He's swearing in full sentences now."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

"He just said his first word!"

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"Do you want to talk about it?"

'Those are my triplets. Com, Net and Org Barnes.'

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

Kid is 'Born to Text'.

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"I brought frankincense." "I brought gold." "I brought diapers!" "A wise woman!"

"We sing her to sleep with songs about recycling."

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

'Have you googled me to see how old I was when I was born?'

'I don't care if an app on your phone is monitoring you, you still need a baby sitter when your father and I are gone.'