Modern Parent Gifts

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

Test tube Stork

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"My wife is recording everything the kids do until they leave for college. Then I'll binge-watch them grow up."

"We're going to start with the birds and the bees and then work our way up to the new reproductive technologies."

'I don't care if an app on your phone is monitoring you, you still need a baby sitter when your father and I are gone.'

Child warning mum not to punish her because only she can work the internet

'And once we transfer the embryo, aspirate the follicles, and align your ovulation with the doctor's gold schedule, voila -- natures little miracle.'

"I'm strictly yes or no. Alexa and Siri deal with facts. Value judgements we leave to your mother."

"Have we considered home schooling, if only for the less parental involvement?"

"Are you playing mummies and daddies?"

"Ah, the rituals of childhood. Being tucked-in, kissing good night, trolling social media till dawn."

Internet baby adoption.

"I say leave them alone - better streaming than screaming."

GPS stork delivery

'I'm too busy son - go and ask your search engine.'

'Look dear, he wants his first upgrade.'

'I'm so glad this bedtime story comes in audio.'

"The tooth fairy direct-deposited your quarter."

"This is not what I meant when I said you kids could have more screen time!"

'Do you think this 'Having Two Dads' thing will ever catch on?'

'She blogged her first word today.'

Modern Day Railway Set.

'To get away from his video games, we sent him to camp for a month. All they do is play video games there.'

'it just keeps getting worse and worse!' Sign in bookstore: Heather has Three Mommies.

"You'd think there would be a bath app by now."

'And do you both promise to apportion parental leave fairly and equally?'

'Mummy said I should go outside and play.'

"Daddy, will you read me my Twitter feed?"

"And these two are from my first mortgage."

"You know, son, you can always ask me anything... if you can't find it on Google first!"

"Jimmy Jones' parents allow him to be home schooled by Google."

'iMac, iPod, iPhone, uWant, uBuy.'

"Alexa picked it out."

"@BabyEthan just endorsed you for the skill: Obstetric Sonography."