Adjusting To Motherhood Gifts

'Normally I prefer to eat out on a beautiful day like this - But I hate people watching me while I eat!'

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Man dreams of romance whilst a woman dreams of romance and babies.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'She finds it really easy to juggle her kids with her career now she's joined the circus.'

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Mother Nature

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

"He's such a fussy eater."

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

'I'm glad you're able to be with us more, but I'd appreciate it if you'd say you're 'spending time' with us, not 'doing time' with us.'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

Men explained.

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

"Sorry Tina, I won't be able to come over: Joey is finally asleep and I don't dare move..."

Downloading Pregnancy

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

"I guess for me family planning is just a study in fertility."

"I actually had this haircut before I became a mom."

I love my family!

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'