Adjusting To Motherhood Gifts

'Normally I prefer to eat out on a beautiful day like this - But I hate people watching me while I eat!'

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Pool attached to child's bed.

Man dreams of romance whilst a woman dreams of romance and babies.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'She finds it really easy to juggle her kids with her career now she's joined the circus.'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

"He's such a fussy eater."

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

Mother Nature

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

'I'm glad you're able to be with us more, but I'd appreciate it if you'd say you're 'spending time' with us, not 'doing time' with us.'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

Men explained.

"Sorry Tina, I won't be able to come over: Joey is finally asleep and I don't dare move..."

Downloading Pregnancy

"I guess for me family planning is just a study in fertility."

I love my family!

"I actually had this haircut before I became a mom."