Parenthood Adventure Gifts

"Great investment, huh?"

"How many children do you have? In round numbers."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Low-Energy Drinks

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

Baby Screen Time

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"We have the exact same taste."

Growth Charts

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

Young Gums

A postwoman delivers mail together with her baby who is riding in the letter carrier.

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

'There's a planet in my book with two moons! Imagine how much howling we could do there!'

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"