Parenthood Adventure T-Shirts

"Great investment, huh?"

"How many children do you have? In round numbers."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

Low-Energy Drinks

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

Baby Screen Time

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"We have the exact same taste."

Growth Charts

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

'There's a planet in my book with two moons! Imagine how much howling we could do there!'

Young Gums

"I noticed that since I've been working at home you've been paying me hazard pay. How did you know?"

A postwoman delivers mail together with her baby who is riding in the letter carrier.

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'