Parenthood Storytime Enthusiast Gifts

'Yeah, but how does the stork get into the maternity ward?'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

The Poky Little Pupa.

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Little Princess.

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"Go figure: nobody wanted to kiss me when I was an ugly prince, but now, somehow, pretty girls are lining up!"

'And you're telling me this, why?'

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'Come on, girl! I know you can do it! Jump over the moon!'

'I wonder how Curious George fits into all this?'

'We're out of water, Jack. Time to go back up the hill to fetch a pail.'

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

Bedtime in Ancient Greece

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'Don't worry, he'll soon grow into it.'

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."