Parenthood Hilarity Gifts

Chicken With Stroller

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

'Hold on a minute with that stuff! That 'infestation' just happens to be your kids on a Saturday morning!'

'She said her first words today.'

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

Let the #&(%?;! pigeon drive the bus

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

They Removed my Brain.

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

'I dressed myself.'

Dad Dancing.

"Sure, Mom's eager to get us back to school, but she could have stopped the car!"

'You can't tell me what to do! You're not my 'ruler'! Heck, you're not even my real dad!'

"Show Daddy what you learnt at Kung fu"

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

'Look at big woosy Sid, pushing his pram with two hands!'

"Three junior meals and a vasectomy, please."

"Dad, I'm water hungry."

"I help as much as I can with the baby: I'm always the first to smell when the baby needs changing..."

'It's so I don't lose the kids in the long grass...'

'Look, Daddy! - Fluffy begat!'

Hairy father with a bald baby.

"Here's 15 cents. I assume you'll go into debt one day putting me through college, so this will take some of the guilt off my conscience."