Joking About Parenthood Gifts

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

Chicken With Stroller

'She said her first words today.'

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

"Fasten your seat belt."

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

"When I said change the baby, I meant his diapers!"

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

"Day 1: Back in the carrier."

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

'Nope.'

"Show Daddy what you learnt at Kung fu"

Open other end

"From now on, just pillage."

Some blind dates work out just fine.

'Look at big woosy Sid, pushing his pram with two hands!'

'Look, Daddy! - Fluffy begat!'

Pram for Baby Giraffe.

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

'I have this recurring nightmare. Mum's so engorged she can't get out of bed to feed me.'

Where Box Turtles Come From

'No, there's only one baby Mrs Kong, but it looks like a very big one!'

'At first I wanted a brother... but I changed my mind. I want a puppy.'

'These aren't my breasts... No, but can we keep them?'