Joking About Parenthood Pillows

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

'She said her first words today.'

I'd like to donate to your theater, but

Chicken With Stroller

'Here's one I made earlier!'

"Fasten your seat belt."

I know you do your mating dance just to embarrass the kids.

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

"When I said change the baby, I meant his diapers!"

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

12 step program

"Day 1: Back in the carrier."

"From now on, just pillage."

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

'Nope.'

Open other end

"Show Daddy what you learnt at Kung fu"

Some blind dates work out just fine.

'Look at big woosy Sid, pushing his pram with two hands!'

'I have this recurring nightmare. Mum's so engorged she can't get out of bed to feed me.'

'Look, Daddy! - Fluffy begat!'

Pram for Baby Giraffe.

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

Where Box Turtles Come From

'No, there's only one baby Mrs Kong, but it looks like a very big one!'

'At first I wanted a brother... but I changed my mind. I want a puppy.'

Yeah, I'm living with my parents while I go to college - They moved into my dorm room.