Jokes About Parenting Pillows

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

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:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

"Use your inside scream."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"She's a natural!"

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"That's it young man. . . go to your room!"

Billy strip: help with homework.

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with a prostate!'

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!" "I want to go back to work." "But my son is still so young. I'd have to send him to preschool or day care. And then most of my salary would go to pay for that. So what should I do?" "You should do what we did in my day: Have six more kids and then let them all fend for themselves!" "If your eldest isn't a strong leader, it may get a little 'Lord of the Flies'-ish, but that builds character!" "...in the survivors."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

I'd like to donate to your theater, but

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

'Mom, I need a push.'

"I didn't think you'd still be here at thirty."

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

"Fasten your seat belt."

Playing in the park....child on a leash.

Aliens from the planet of the yellow snow. 'Don't eat the white snow.'

'You've kept your shoes and socks on. I washed my feet yesterday.'

'My daddy thinks you're really funny. He's always telling mommy about the clown he works for!'

"I love to hear the pitter-patter-patter...patter of his tiny feet."