Jokes About Parenting Gifts

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

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:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"Use your inside scream."

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"She's a natural!"

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

"That's it young man. . . go to your room!"

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with a prostate!'

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!" "I want to go back to work." "But my son is still so young. I'd have to send him to preschool or day care. And then most of my salary would go to pay for that. So what should I do?" "You should do what we did in my day: Have six more kids and then let them all fend for themselves!" "If your eldest isn't a strong leader, it may get a little 'Lord of the Flies'-ish, but that builds character!" "...in the survivors."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

Billy strip: help with homework.

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"I didn't think you'd still be here at thirty."

'Mom, I need a push.'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

Playing in the park....child on a leash.

"Fasten your seat belt."

Moma

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

'My daddy thinks you're really funny. He's always telling mommy about the clown he works for!'

'You've kept your shoes and socks on. I washed my feet yesterday.'

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."