Parenting Jokes Fan Gifts

'These aren't my breasts... No, but can we keep them?'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

The Poky Little Pupa.

"I need to know who started it."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

Trick or Tweet

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

Sperm Whale.

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

"Hey, Mom! Check it out! Dad converted his gardo paints to passenger pants!"

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

"Use your inside scream."

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

"Time for bed, guys."

"She's a natural!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

"That's it young man. . . go to your room!"

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

Chilly baby.

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with a prostate!'

I'd like to donate to your theater, but

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'