Modern Parenting Jokes Pillows

'No, he can't walk yet, but he has been pre-approved for a credit card.'

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

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Dad Trophies

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"Use your inside scream."

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"She's a natural!"

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"That's it young man. . . go to your room!"

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with a prostate!'

Billy strip: help with homework.

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"I didn't think you'd still be here at thirty."

'Mom, I need a push.'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

'Did you find any clothes?'

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

Playing in the park....child on a leash.

Moma

"Fasten your seat belt."

'My daddy thinks you're really funny. He's always telling mommy about the clown he works for!'

'You've kept your shoes and socks on. I washed my feet yesterday.'

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."