Modern Parenting Jokes Pillows

'No, he can't walk yet, but he has been pre-approved for a credit card.'

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

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Dad Trophies

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

"Use your inside scream."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"She's a natural!"

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

"That's it young man. . . go to your room!"

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

Billy strip: help with homework.

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with a prostate!'

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

I'd like to donate to your theater, but

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

'Mom, I need a push.'

"I didn't think you'd still be here at thirty."

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

Playing in the park....child on a leash.

"I love to hear the pitter-patter-patter...patter of his tiny feet."

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

Aliens from the planet of the yellow snow. 'Don't eat the white snow.'

'You've kept your shoes and socks on. I washed my feet yesterday.'

'My daddy thinks you're really funny. He's always telling mommy about the clown he works for!'

'Did you find any clothes?'