Modern Parenting Banter Pillows

'My dad's Google entry is longer than your dad's Google entry'

"Use your inside scream."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

'Mom, I need a push.'

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

"I was hoping her first sentence would be, 'I love you, mommy.' Not, 'what's the Wi-Fi password?'"

"I had a lot more freedom before mom got the drone."

"We want one that's genetically gifted but not genetically spoiled."

'This pacifier looks like a cell phone to make the inevitable transition that much easier.'

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

"And we're just so proud you're walking to school alone. Aren't we, Harold?"

'It used to be enough to keep them fed and clothed. Now it's fed, clothed and connected.'

'Look at big woosy Sid, pushing his pram with two hands!'

'She can't answer when I call, but she loves the ring tone.'

"Podca-a-a-a-a-a-ast!!!"

'How do you block the kids from objectionable internet content? I found a bookmark called,'DriveYourParentsInsane'.'

"Just tell Daddy who hit you, and I will march upstairs and ask Mommy how to handle this!"

Honest, D-D-Dad. My homework's "in the cloud."

We ARE playing catch.

We're too late - He's already watching Youtube potty training tutorials.

Free WiFi On-Board

"Yes, but Mummy and Daddy are on legal drugs."

'They start texting so young these days,'

Robot feeding Baby.

"?With this new baby-belt, I can baby sit while my wife works?"

Parenting: then and now

"Mom always was a helicopter mom, and now she's got a drone!"

"I'm being punished. For the next hour I have to stay out of WiFi range."

"Who are we to assign gender?"

"Oh yeah... well I say my kid is better at math and social studies than your kid!"