Modern Parenting Tales Pillows

Ah, here she comes. I hear the pitter patter of tiny fingers texting down the hall.

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

"He just said his first word!"

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

Kid is 'Born to Text'.

"Use your inside scream."

'Those are my triplets. Com, Net and Org Barnes.'

"I brought frankincense." "I brought gold." "I brought diapers!" "A wise woman!"

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

'I don't care if an app on your phone is monitoring you, you still need a baby sitter when your father and I are gone.'

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

'Mom, I need a push.'

Phone Mittens

"Santa said to stop making toys. From here on out we'll be making computers and phones. Does anyone know anything about technology?"

'He's already surfing without nappies!'

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet?..."

'Sending someone to his room was a punishment when I was a kid.'

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

"We're going to start with the birds and the bees and then work our way up to the new reproductive technologies."

'I'm so glad this bedtime story comes in audio.'

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

Big book of memes

'We'd like to christen him 2GR4T7VXS35. That way it'll be easier for him to get his own web domain name when he's older.'