New Parent Banter Pillows

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"It was a difficult delivery."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

Husband and Child in Pram

Beware of teething baby.

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

They Removed my Brain.

'Sandra, I think the baby needs his oil changed.'

'Your son couldn't come. He sent his sister.'

'I don't believe it - At school all my teachers said I was an underachiever!'

Twins

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"

"Twins!...Who's the other father?"

'That's my girl. The one in the white uniform.'

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

Gas Mask.

"When do I get my phone call"

"You went here instead of the maternity ward. Fortunately, we experts in delivery too!"

A man outside of gents toilet sees sign: New Men - With Baby changing facilities.

Mobile Phone Mobile.

"From now on, just pillage."

"Did he sleep through the night again?"

"Dress it up all you want – it's still and invasion of my privacy."

"I dunno. It just doesn't "feel" like a diaper."

'So that's why babies don't have teeth.'

3 Kings - "I think nappies would have been more useful than Frakinsense."

Two breasts: No waiting