Modern Parenting Banter Gifts

"Use your inside scream."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

'Mom, I need a push.'

"Wasn't it your turn to drop him to online school?!"

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

"I was hoping her first sentence would be, 'I love you, mommy.' Not, 'what's the Wi-Fi password?'"

"I had a lot more freedom before mom got the drone."

"We want one that's genetically gifted but not genetically spoiled."

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

'This pacifier looks like a cell phone to make the inevitable transition that much easier.'

"And we're just so proud you're walking to school alone. Aren't we, Harold?"

'It used to be enough to keep them fed and clothed. Now it's fed, clothed and connected.'

'Look at big woosy Sid, pushing his pram with two hands!'

'How do you block the kids from objectionable internet content? I found a bookmark called,'DriveYourParentsInsane'.'

Free WiFi On-Board

'She can't answer when I call, but she loves the ring tone.'

"Podca-a-a-a-a-a-ast!!!"

Honest, D-D-Dad. My homework's "in the cloud."

"Yes, but Mummy and Daddy are on legal drugs."

"Just tell Daddy who hit you, and I will march upstairs and ask Mommy how to handle this!"

"?With this new baby-belt, I can baby sit while my wife works?"

Parenting: then and now

Robot feeding Baby.

"Oh yeah... well I say my kid is better at math and social studies than your kid!"

'It works better than the pacifier.'

"I'm being punished. For the next hour I have to stay out of WiFi range."

"Who are we to assign gender?"

"Mom always was a helicopter mom, and now she's got a drone!"