Parenting Jokes Pillows

'This is a worry. No dipstick to measure how much milk is left.'

"From now on, just pillage."

"Fasten your seat belt."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

Dad Trophies

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:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"Use your inside scream."

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"She's a natural!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

"That's it young man. . . go to your room!"

Billy strip: help with homework.

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with a prostate!'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

'What are you in for?'

"I didn't think you'd still be here at thirty."

'Mom, I need a push.'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

'My daddy thinks you're really funny. He's always telling mommy about the clown he works for!'