Laughing Through Parenthood Gifts

'I have this recurring nightmare. Mum's so engorged she can't get out of bed to feed me.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

"Use your inside scream."

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

"It's from the children. They'd like us to let them in."

'What are you in for?'

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

Time for sports camp, Teddy. Let's go! Unghhh � I thought you hated all the sports craziness. Summer camps avoid the worst problems. I forget. Parent's aren't allowed. Heaven on earth.

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

'Ooopsss! I did it again.'

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

'Your son couldn't come. He sent his sister.'

"My kid said his first two words and you know what he said; 'I'll sue.'."

'Actually the twins are not hard to tell apart. When I put them down, the one that cries is Dennis.'

'They sort of grow on you.'

Mother tells son, who is watching DVDs: 'No, I don't think we need a 'national debate' on the issue of bedtime.'

"When do I get my phone call"

No, I'm not going to cut the crust off of it for you.

'Of course I respect him more than you - He's house trained!'

'I wish you hadn't shown Daddy the lovely Mother's day present you bought me. I haven't told him I'm pregnant yet!'

"All right! We'll hear the pester-power figures next."

The top half is formula. The bottom half is milk.

"I thought we talked about this."

'How are the quadruplets?'

Clearance sale. Everything must go!

'Mum said I take after your side of the family, Dad!'

'I think i cried myself inside out!'

'Can we wait up and watch daddy bleed?'

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

'No, dear, it's not necessary to go to the doctor because Mia kissed you.'

Some blind dates work out just fine.

"If mum didn't work we'd starve"