Parenting Laugh Gifts

"When do I get my phone call"

"Use your inside scream."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

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:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"She's a natural!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

"That's it young man. . . go to your room!"

Mom dwarves.

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with a prostate!'

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

"It's from the children. They'd like us to let them in."

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

Billy strip: help with homework.

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'