Parenting Guide Collector Gifts

Parenting manual.

(Preschool for Dummies)

'Son it's time to talk birds and bees; birds and bees have never successfully mated. And that's all you need to know about interspecies sex.'

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

"Be afraid to try new things!"

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

Dummies for Dummies.

'He never listened to his mother!'

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

Exam Room.

Ask your mother computer.

'Except...That.'

"Better safe than sorry, son."

'I'm getting a little concerned about Timmy. He hasn't wormed his way out of anything all semester.'

'Obviously, the school board is giving an unfair advantage to gifted students.'

'My mother made me apply.'

'Soon he will stop asking where he came from and start telling you where he is going.'

"Hahahaha! Oh, you are hilarious! Help you with your math homework … hahahaha!"

Before birds and bees,

Promise me, Alex, that you'll find work in the fields or factories, and won't follow your father into the data mines.

"One last question, where's its mute button?"

"My day? Don't even get me started!"

'No, the Patriot Act doesn't make it all right for you to read your sister's diary!'

'Did you feel that??'

'Your stork story got me to thinking, Dad -- wouldn't it be simpler if people just did it like dogs and cats do?'

"And don't take that tone with me, mister!"

"Brad? This is your congressman. Get Mommy on the phone, please."

"My teacher noticed you weren't at parent-teacher night . She wanted to ask why I never take an interest in anything."

"I'm confused....you always say not to take candy from strangers, but tonight you tell me to go to strangers and ask for candy!"

"Dad, remember how you bungled the Lorton account?"

"My five-year-old would never do that."

'Mummy said let it drop,there's a good boy..'