Parental Guide Gifts

'I think I've just made a terrible mistake.'

'That one failing grade is for the course where you did most of my homework.'

"Dad, remember how you bungled the Lorton account?"

"Hahahaha! Oh, you are hilarious! Help you with your math homework … hahahaha!"

Promise me, Alex, that you'll find work in the fields or factories, and won't follow your father into the data mines.

Ask your mother computer.

Exam Room.

'No, the Patriot Act doesn't make it all right for you to read your sister's diary!'

'It's ok now, but the adoption process is so slow, reviews, reports, form filling, it's a nightmare!'

High expectations

"My day? Don't even get me started!"

"We learnt about the birds and bees today - apparently it's a bit like when you and daddy have it off."

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Be afraid to try new things!"

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

Dummies for Dummies.

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

(Preschool for Dummies)

"Better safe than sorry, son."

'I'm getting a little concerned about Timmy. He hasn't wormed his way out of anything all semester.'

"Your inability to turn off your critical voice, combined with your fear of disappointing your overbearing, demanding father, is causing you to lose faith in your fastball."

'Obviously, the school board is giving an unfair advantage to gifted students.'

'Soon he will stop asking where he came from and start telling you where he is going.'

'My mother made me apply.'

Before birds and bees,

'Did you feel that??'

"Aaack! How did an unscheduled hour get on your calendar? This will not look good on your college application."

A Victorian park.

'I don't mind them, but I would like to see my daughter getting married to one of them!'

"And don't take that tone with me, mister!"

'Your stork story got me to thinking, Dad -- wouldn't it be simpler if people just did it like dogs and cats do?'