Parenting Guide Collector Pillows

Parenting manual.

'Son it's time to talk birds and bees; birds and bees have never successfully mated. And that's all you need to know about interspecies sex.'

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

"Be afraid to try new things!"

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

'He never listened to his mother!'

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

Dummies for Dummies.

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

'Except...That.'

Ask your mother computer.

Exam Room.

"Better safe than sorry, son."

'Obviously, the school board is giving an unfair advantage to gifted students.'

"Hahahaha! Oh, you are hilarious! Help you with your math homework … hahahaha!"

'My mother made me apply.'

'Soon he will stop asking where he came from and start telling you where he is going.'

Before birds and bees,

'No, the Patriot Act doesn't make it all right for you to read your sister's diary!'

"One last question, where's its mute button?"

"My day? Don't even get me started!"

"And don't take that tone with me, mister!"

'Did you feel that??'

'Your stork story got me to thinking, Dad -- wouldn't it be simpler if people just did it like dogs and cats do?'

"Brad? This is your congressman. Get Mommy on the phone, please."

"My teacher noticed you weren't at parent-teacher night . She wanted to ask why I never take an interest in anything."

"I'm confused....you always say not to take candy from strangers, but tonight you tell me to go to strangers and ask for candy!"

"Dad, remember how you bungled the Lorton account?"

Come to my party

'Mummy said let it drop,there's a good boy..'

Cinema Certification, Suitable for kids, but will drive parents to distraction.

"My five-year-old would never do that."

'You gotta try different things! Sometimes a temper tantrum works best an' somethimes sulking an' sometimes not eating!'