Parental Guides Pillows

"Better safe than sorry, son."

'I'm getting a little concerned about Timmy. He hasn't wormed his way out of anything all semester.'

'Obviously, the school board is giving an unfair advantage to gifted students.'

"Mommy, Look! Santa's Not Wearing a Mask"

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Be afraid to try new things!"

Dummies for Dummies.

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

(Preschool for Dummies)

Exam Room.

Ask your mother computer.

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

Soccer Moms

"Your inability to turn off your critical voice, combined with your fear of disappointing your overbearing, demanding father, is causing you to lose faith in your fastball."

'Soon he will stop asking where he came from and start telling you where he is going.'

"Hahahaha! Oh, you are hilarious! Help you with your math homework … hahahaha!"

'My mother made me apply.'

Before birds and bees,

'No, the Patriot Act doesn't make it all right for you to read your sister's diary!'

"Aaack! How did an unscheduled hour get on your calendar? This will not look good on your college application."

Promise me, Alex, that you'll find work in the fields or factories, and won't follow your father into the data mines.

'Did you feel that??'

'Your stork story got me to thinking, Dad -- wouldn't it be simpler if people just did it like dogs and cats do?'

"And don't take that tone with me, mister!"

'How many times have I told you to stop playing with that calculator?'

"Brad? This is your congressman. Get Mommy on the phone, please."

"My day? Don't even get me started!"

'For goodness sake dad, buy a sat nav.'

"My teacher noticed you weren't at parent-teacher night . She wanted to ask why I never take an interest in anything."

"Ten more minutes of media manipulation, then it's off to bed."

Come to my party