Parental Guidance Aficionado Gifts

'You'll find the facts of life son, on Sesame Street adn the Late World News.'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

"Be afraid to try new things!"

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

"You just wait tilll your father gets home!!"

'I'm not sure if it's the programs or the commercials, but one is supposed to be a lot worse than the other.'

'He's about to destroy his first city and you're in a meeting?'

'My mother made me apply.'

Before birds and bees,

"This is humiliating. Couldn't you drop me a block from school?"

'Said once, and never again!'

"Okay...seriously...it's nothing to worry about, Dad."

"Ten more minutes of media manipulation, then it's off to bed."

‘Sat too close to the TV;’ ‘Stared at the Sun For an Hour,’ ‘Put Out My Eye With a BB Gun.’

"No thanks! My dad said those things will kill you!"

"I'm just looking for something to take the edge off before I give the kids the 'Don't Do Drugs' talk."

'You can go play at Kevin's house if it's all right with your attorney.'

'I won't meet your demands for an allowance increase, so maybe you should become a free agent.'

"Oi you two! What going on in here?"

'Why can't you try to be more like me?'

My child is an honor student at Glasslicker Elementary School.

Parents for dummies.

"My Mother was right. She told me when I was eighteen, that if I married him it wouldnt last!"

"We think it's important to meet the parents of our daughter's bad influences."

The world's #1 motivational speaker

Kids watching television, "I've just seen a nipple it must be nine o' clock!"

"Berne maintained that we are livign our lives according to a life plan written by a three year old.

'You did a great job explaining the 'birds and bees.' Try your hand at the 'empty nest.''

'I've tried raising my son with patience, honesty and manners, but he still grew up like his dad.'

"Son, I'm going to talk to you about the facts of life, with spoilers."