Parental Guidance Enthusiast Gifts

'You're not living up to your potential!'

'Why can't you try to be more like me?'

"Be afraid to try new things!"

"-and he says his best friend wants to meet you!"

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

'I'm not sure if it's the programs or the commercials, but one is supposed to be a lot worse than the other.'

Soccer Moms

"Your inability to turn off your critical voice, combined with your fear of disappointing your overbearing, demanding father, is causing you to lose faith in your fastball."

'My mother made me apply.'

Before birds and bees,

"This is humiliating. Couldn't you drop me a block from school?"

'How many times have I told you to stop playing with that calculator?'

"Okay...seriously...it's nothing to worry about, Dad."

"Ten more minutes of media manipulation, then it's off to bed."

"Oi you two! What going on in here?"

'You can go play at Kevin's house if it's all right with your attorney.'

Cinema Certification, Suitable for kids, but will drive parents to distraction.

'I won't meet your demands for an allowance increase, so maybe you should become a free agent.'

"No thanks! My dad said those things will kill you!"

"I'm just looking for something to take the edge off before I give the kids the 'Don't Do Drugs' talk."

‘Sat too close to the TV;’ ‘Stared at the Sun For an Hour,’ ‘Put Out My Eye With a BB Gun.’

"My Mother was right. She told me when I was eighteen, that if I married him it wouldnt last!"

Parents for dummies.

"We think it's important to meet the parents of our daughter's bad influences."

"Berne maintained that we are livign our lives according to a life plan written by a three year old.

'You did a great job explaining the 'birds and bees.' Try your hand at the 'empty nest.''

Put on some clothes. You'll catch your death! Do you know what time it is? You're so skinny, are you eating? Let me make you a sandwich! Mamarazzi.

I told you not to fill up on bread before the meal.

"You just destroyed your safe space."

'You'll find the facts of life son, on Sesame Street adn the Late World News.'

Kids watching television, "I've just seen a nipple it must be nine o' clock!"