Parental Guidance Enthusiast Pillows

'You're not living up to your potential!'

'Why can't you try to be more like me?'

"Be afraid to try new things!"

"-and he says his best friend wants to meet you!"

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

'I'm not sure if it's the programs or the commercials, but one is supposed to be a lot worse than the other.'

"Your inability to turn off your critical voice, combined with your fear of disappointing your overbearing, demanding father, is causing you to lose faith in your fastball."

'My mother made me apply.'

Before birds and bees,

"This is humiliating. Couldn't you drop me a block from school?"

"Okay...seriously...it's nothing to worry about, Dad."

'How many times have I told you to stop playing with that calculator?'

"Ten more minutes of media manipulation, then it's off to bed."

"I'm just looking for something to take the edge off before I give the kids the 'Don't Do Drugs' talk."

"No thanks! My dad said those things will kill you!"

'I won't meet your demands for an allowance increase, so maybe you should become a free agent.'

‘Sat too close to the TV;’ ‘Stared at the Sun For an Hour,’ ‘Put Out My Eye With a BB Gun.’

Cinema Certification, Suitable for kids, but will drive parents to distraction.

"Oi you two! What going on in here?"

'You can go play at Kevin's house if it's all right with your attorney.'

Parents for dummies.

"My Mother was right. She told me when I was eighteen, that if I married him it wouldnt last!"

"We think it's important to meet the parents of our daughter's bad influences."

'You'll find the facts of life son, on Sesame Street adn the Late World News.'

Kids watching television, "I've just seen a nipple it must be nine o' clock!"

"Berne maintained that we are livign our lives according to a life plan written by a three year old.

'You did a great job explaining the 'birds and bees.' Try your hand at the 'empty nest.''

'I've tried raising my son with patience, honesty and manners, but he still grew up like his dad.'

'You're not living up to your potential!'

"Son, I'm going to talk to you about the facts of life, with spoilers."

TV: 'The following program is rated 'G', with parental discretion advised for the commercials.'