Parental Advisor Enthusiasts Pillows

TV: 'The following program is rated 'G', with parental discretion advised for the commercials.'

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

Icarus, you are not flying anywhere until you put on some sunscreen.

"I'm going crazy staring at the same four legs."

"Be afraid to try new things!"

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

Warring parents

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.

'I'm not sure if it's the programs or the commercials, but one is supposed to be a lot worse than the other.'

"Adulits don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAAAH!"

'He's about to destroy his first city and you're in a meeting?'

Mom's The Boss

"Stop telling me how well you did on the written."

"Actually, he's developing at an absolutely normal rate for his age..!"

'We want to be ready for when he starts to read.'

The Supreme Court, Juvenile Divisio: "As usual, the obvious precedent for this case is the children v. Mommy."

'I may not be able to smack you, but it won't stop the 'Bogie Man' coming to get you if you are naughty !'

"Oh, don't jump. But at least learn to code."

Wow, you're right! Your mom's regurgitated worms are way better than my mom's!

"Andy plays perfectly well with others - it's others who don't play well with Andy."

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

Next On The Agenda

"They grow so fast. In my day, you didn't become morbidly obese until adulthood."

"And I suppose if your friends all jumped off a cliff you'd follow right along?"

'My labor with Jenna was a snap...'

'It's making me happy.'

"I've been a child psychologist for twenty years. Based on my experience, and several sessions with your son, I believe what is needed is a swift swat on his rump!"

‘Sat too close to the TV;’ ‘Stared at the Sun For an Hour,’ ‘Put Out My Eye With a BB Gun.’

'Principal Smith, this is a parent of a student in your school. I'd like to discuss my son's grades. Is this a good time?'