Parental Advice Enthusiast Pillows

I told you not to fill up on bread before the meal.

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

Growth Charts

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

I love my family!

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Crying baby

"Be afraid to try new things!"

Early childhood development

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

Lemming mothers

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

7 Dwarves of Fatherhood

Honey, I'm home. Did you change Kyle's diaper?

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"My first Father's day!"

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

"Ouch. . . Aaaargh!!. . . Stop it!. . . "

Mother: 'He has your eyes.'

Husband and Child in Pram

Dad waiting for baby to be born.

Parenting magazines.

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

"All right. Time to grow up."