Parental Advice Enthusiasts Pillows

‘Sat too close to the TV;’ ‘Stared at the Sun For an Hour,’ ‘Put Out My Eye With a BB Gun.’

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

Growth Charts

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Early childhood development

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Crying baby

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"Be afraid to try new things!"

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'He never listened to his mother!'

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"My first Father's day!"

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"Ouch. . . Aaaargh!!. . . Stop it!. . . "

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"I can hear some rattling: Better start writing those birth notices Darling..."

Mother: 'He has your eyes.'

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

Parenting magazines.

Husband and Child in Pram

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.