Parenting Wisdom Aficionados Pillows

"It's summer, go outside and play."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

I love my family!

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

Growth Charts

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Early childhood development

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Crying baby

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

Lemming mothers

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"My first Father's day!"

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

Penguin kid to parents: 'Big deal! You're grounding me!'

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."