Parenting Wisdom Aficionados Pillows

"It's summer, go outside and play."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

Growth Charts

I love my family!

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

Crying baby

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Early childhood development

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

Lemming mothers

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

7 Dwarves of Fatherhood

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

Honey, I'm home. Did you change Kyle's diaper?

"My first Father's day!"

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

Penguin kid to parents: 'Big deal! You're grounding me!'

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"We encourage Theo to challenge clichés and mediocrity."

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."