Parenting Wisdom Seeker Pillows

"Go ask your mother."

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

"If it's important to you, Jessica. It's important to daddy, but I don't think it's important to you."

'You won't understand it now, but when you have kids, you'll wish for a longer school day.'

'Mum,are we born from an egg?' 'No honey. People bring us at night'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'My kids don't understand me.'

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

'What a coincidence....that's my mum's name to!'

Chip and Fran Cooper: The Most Embarrassing Parents in the World.

'He was raised by sparrows!'

'Don't come crying to me, son. I told you you'd turn into a lobster if you stayed out in the sun all day.'

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"

'Looks like Timmy got solitary.'

'My mom just explained babies to me. I'm not sure, but I think I'm a bird and you're a bee.'

'We're not paprazzi. We're your parents.'

"His room is always clean. Do you think we should take him to a psychologist?"

Baby Philosophy.

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

Ingredients: me

"The trouble with children is they don't act like adults."

'Mother knows best, Dear, so stop rolling your eyes.'

"Does school choice include whether he gets a tenured teacher?"

"Don't make me come over there."

'Said once, and never again!'

"I'll tell you what: I'll clean up your room, you clean up my laptop."

"And I suppose if your friends all jumped off a cliff you'd follow right along?"

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

"Do you provide any coupons that would allow me one free lie? It would help ease my conscience."

"I'm confused....you always say not to take candy from strangers, but tonight you tell me to go to strangers and ask for candy!"